Grampa’s Dirty Joke

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October 31, 2014 by JImbo

When I was a kid, I remember my Grampa being the best joke teller. Some were corny. Some were dirty. They were all pretty funny, even the ones we didn’t get until we were older.

We’d beg Gramps to tell us dirty jokes like he did with his old buddies. He’d cast a sly look at my Mom, who would shake her head and that was that. One time when Mom wasn’t around he finally gave in and said “Alright, if I tell you one you gotta get me another beer.”

Yay!

“Once upon a time” he began as we scooched closer to hear. “There was this little boy named Tommy.”

Oh this was gonna be so good!

“And one day Tommy was on his way to school.”

He paused dramatically.

“And do you know what happened then?”

My Brother and I shook our heads in eager, rapt attention.

“Well, he slipped and fell in a mud puddle! The end.”

With a final slurp, he handed us the beer can.

“Haha! Now get me another beer.”

We were crestfallen.
“But… THAT WASN’T DIRTY! We want a dirty joke!” we complained.

“Well, sure it is. Don’t get any dirtier than a mud puddle now do ya?”

That just how Gramps was.

He was always playing pranks and tricking people in a teasingly mischievous way.

One time he had a visitor to the house fit to be tied. He’d started telling the guy in an anxious voice all about how “The whole town is gonna flood! There’s a hole in the pier!”

This guy was swallowing it hook, line and sinker. He was just about to call his wife and have her pack up the kids to “head for high ground” when my Mom poked her head in and said “Dad, stop messing with the poor guy!”

My Brother and I knew it was a gag. We laughed and laughed. The guy turn all sorts of red.

We’d been nailed with it before that of course. We were kids, what did we know? Gramps was so CONVINCING when telling a story you could never totally tell when he was telling the truth or just twisting another tale.

In this case, you really need a picture to show you why it’s so funny.

That’s the pier at Sodus Point with the light house on it.

Notice the water on one side… and water on the other side.

You can’t flood the town even if there was a hold in the middle!

We just thought it was funny that an adult had been caught by the same joke a could kids had fallen for.

But he had a way of convincing people of the most INSANE and IMPROBABLE things!

It was just his special talent. He would have made a great salesman or politician.

The problem was he just didn’t like lying enough. He’d have people believing he was a war hero fighting Japanese Ninjas “during the War” and then grin or bust out laughing and slap his knee.

“hahaha! Had ya goin’ there!”

 

I still remember my Brother trying to figure out how to go swimming “without getting wet.”

He wasn’t mean though. He did say “Oh it won’t hurt” when he cut the bee stinger out of my foot with a jack knife.

It did.

A lot.

But, he was never mean.

Now my Great Grandpa on the other hand… that was a cranky old bastard. My Great Grandfather was truly sadistic to us kids. He’ wait for us to run by and stick his cane out so we went flying across the porch, skinned arms and legs, crying, bleeding.

Then he’d laugh and laugh and laugh in that creepy chuckle of his. HE was mean. Then he’d get upset we didn’t see the “humor” in standing there bleeding, chips of lead paint embedded in our wounds.

I never heard Great Grandpa tell a dirty joke either. He never seemed the type. I got the impression he would have beaten us senseless if we’d have asked him to tell one.

Some people just can’t take a joke.

Or tell one.

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

 

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