August 18, 2014 by JImbo
So… today I inadvertently said “Ft. Dix sucks.”
Yeah, say that fast.
You got it.
Reminded me of some stuff overheard in the last couple weeks while on duty.
Soldier 1: Make me a sandwich.
Soldier 2: Poof you’re a sandwich.
Soldier 1: Haha not funny.
Soldier 2: Holy shit it’s a talking sandwich!
Take this fob and shove it
Soldier: Sarge, I need a medical profile… For my face.
Sergeant: Sorry son, being ugly isn’t a medical condition.
You can’t call it “war” anymore.
Remember in Full Metal Jacket he said “SHOW ME YOUR WAR FACE!”
Now it’s “Show me your “Low Intensity Kinetic Overseas Contingency Operation Face!”
You’d be surprised how much taxidermy sounds like tax attorney in a crowded room.
Sergeant: Get some sleep! I don’t want you crashing into anything while driving tomorrow morning.
Soldier: Relax! I’ll only crash into something soft.
Sergeant: Like… pedestrians? I feel so much better.
Sergeant 1: The thermometer is broke.
Sergeant 2: Why do you say that?
Sergeant 1: I put it in the ice water and it says “32.” It’s supposed to say “0”
Sergeant 2: What temperature does water freeze at?
Sergeant 1: “Zero.”
Sergeant 2: “Where are you from?”’
Sergeant 1: “Argentina”
Sergeant 2: “This is an AMERICAN kitchen! Celsius does not exist here!”
Unwashed Hippies is one of Dante’s layers of Hell I’m sure