July 19, 2014 by JImbo
A friend recently posted that she had a ghost causing trouble in her house. Specifically it was tossing things off her dishwasher. What the hell? Why do ghosts have to be such douchebags?
I understand it’s probably pretty boring being dead and all. Still… someone moves in and you immediately try to screw with them? What kind of lame assed roommate is that?
You’re there in the house ALL DAY ghost. The LEAST you could do is try putting the dishes INTO the dishwasher. Maybe do a load of laundry.
If that’s too much (what with your likely incorporeal nature) then you can still make yourself useful. Answer the phone. Get the door.
How awesome would that be if Jehovah’s Witnesses came to the door, your buddy ghost walks THROUGH the door and calmly invites them in?
“Try not believing in THAT suckers!”
Alright that was wrong. Funny but wrong. I apologize.
I don’t know how you get rid of a ghost. It’s not really my thing. I’m not very useful where that comes into play. I tend to LOOK for them as some neat curiosity.
I’m about as useful stopping ghosts as I would be fixing your plumbing. I have NO skill at plumbing. I’ve tried.
You’d think I’d be good at it as I’m a guy and a firefighter, but there is something totally different about trying to keep the water INSIDE and not spraying it all over stuff… like fire… or neighbors. It’s a totally different skillset.
I’d be the guy who wanted to come over to SEE the ghost. “Hey, what’s up man? So why this house? It’s pretty crappy to be honest. What? I’m just being honest with our buddy Casper here.”
I grew up with ghosts in the house…well.. all of them. My friend says they follow me around. I told him that’s FUCKING AWESOME! Sometimes I randomly walk down dead ends, spin around and yell “GOTCHA!”
I’m expecting sometime to catch one sneaking up behind me so he can be like “awwwww.. ya got me. I was being so QUIET too!”
I never do though. Damn invisible people. Can you get those jingly collars for them like you do pets?
So… anyway back to getting rid of ghosts. No clue how you do that. I’ve heard you call a priest or something. I’m not sure if that always works.
I’m pretty sure that only works on Demons and Christians. And people that speak English… or Latin.
Seriously, how would a Chinese ghost know what the hell you’re talking about? They’d just turn to the other dead Chinese ghost and say “See? Told ya white people are crazy.”
In China they have shrines to the dead and welcome them into their homes and give them food. Here we chase them out with a broom and a yelling guy in a funny hat.
Is it any wonder they get irate at us and throw shit around?
Try offering them a drink. Works for me. Then again that’s a whole different ghost story…